How To Make Long-Distance Relationships Work, According To Therapists

Whether you're embarking on a new relationship with someone who lives far from you, you're moving away from your partner, or your partner has started traveling a lot for work—distance poses its own set of challenges (and benefits!) to romantic relationships.

Can distance make the heart grow fonder? Sure, but probably not without a little hardship.

The physical distance within long-distance relationships can leave partners feeling a lack of intimacy—physically and emotionally, according to licensed clinical social worker Alyssa Casimiro, LCSW.

Without the built-in communication that comes from living with your partner, or seeing them multiple times a week, long-distance relationships can also experience communication barriers, Casimiro says.

Jealousy can also rear its ugly head in long-distance relationships (as it can in every kind of relationship) because of a longing for shared experiences, says licensed marriage and family therapist Annalyse Lucero, M.S., LMFT, LSAA.

Lastly, long-distance relationships tend to be tested when goals for the future change for either partner.

"Long-distance couples I've worked with find that challenges arise when life goals change, when one person wants to move forward with children or marriage, or responsibilities shift in their dynamic," Lucero says. "This is also true for temporary changes, like being sick or having big things to celebrate."

Putting in the hard work needed to keep a long-distance relationship happy and healthy becomes a lot easier when you understand its value.

"Being in a relationship is a choice," Lucero says. "If you find yourself choosing this person, despite the obstacles that arise, then it is worth it."

Pay attention to the strength of your emotional connection with your partner, Casimiro advises. If both of you are willing to work on your relationship, maintain communication, and share relationship goals, then those are signs that the relationship is worth preserving, she says.

It always comes down to communication.

Strong communication is, of course, essential in a long-distance relationship, given the potential problems that arise when you aren't able to spend much time around your partner. When people in long-distance relationships talk openly about their emotional, physical, and communication needs on an ongoing basis, they can increase feelings or trust, security, and intimacy, according to Casimiro.

What does clear and honest communication look like? An ability to express your needs and feelings to your partner (and listen to theirs), for starters. Long-distance relationships especially "thrive on intimacy developed through talking, texting, sending snaps, and sharing memes," Lucero says.

"All ways that typical relationships bond, but I find that couples in long-distance relationships often go deeper and share more vulnerability in these moments," Lucero says. "If you feel a deep connection over shared moments when you're apart, you may be able to overcome long-distance relationship challenges."

Keep in mind that the ideal amount of communication differs for every relationship.

Long-distance relationships, in particular, benefit from a bit of planning.

Partners should be clear about the expectations and boundaries they have for the relationship early on, according to Casimiro. And these aren't the kinds of conversations you only have once—they should continue throughout your relationship.

It can be difficult to feel like you're missing out on so many of the thrills of dating, such as going out together, when you're apart. But with a little creativity, you can find ways to adapt to your situation and still have date nights filled with quality time (even if they look a little different now).

"Special moments that you'd typically share in person can bring a lot of grief if you're routinely missing out on each other's life," Lucero says.

Schedule regular virtual dates to create moments of bonding while apart. You could cook dinner together over FaceTime, play multiplayer video games together, or hit play on a movie at the exact same time.

Virtual dates are great and all, but nothing beats seeing your partner in person.

It's helpful to plan visits to each other so you can bridge the physical distance sometimes (especially if one of your love languages is physical touch).

So much joy can be derived from feelings of anticipation. By scheduling trips to visit one another on a somewhat regular basis, you can enjoy both seeing your partner and anticipating the next time you'll be together.

Most people don't enjoy conflict—but that doesn't mean it should be avoided.

Conflict can appear for many reasons within a long-distance relationship: jealousy, a lack of communication, boundary crossing, unfulfilled needs or expectations, frustration at the circumstances, etc.

It's best to address conflict "head-on" whenever it starts brewing in a long-distance relationship, Casimiro says. Research shows that people within successful long-distance relationships tend to resolve conflict more quickly rather than letting it fester and breed resentment.

Long-distance works great—and is even preferable—for some people.

For those with busy lifestyles, it can be easier to maintain long-distance relationships that allow them to spend more time on other parts of their lives and less on constantly seeing their partner.

How long will this distance last? Where do you see us as a couple in five years? What do you want to do with your life—and how do I fit into that?

One of the most common reasons long-distance relationships end is that they fail to progress to the next level, research shows. It's important to have conversations about the future in any kind of relationship to make sure you're on the same page.

Challenges arise in long-distance relationships when life goals change, according to Lucero. But those aren't insurmountable if you're open to communicating about the future and how your lives will adapt to changing goals.